Dear Mom

I’ve not been able to share this yet and I’ve been struggling with what to say. So I thought I’d do what I always do and tell my mom about it. Feel free to listen in.

Dear Mom,

We made it to Oakland and I have some time between flights so I thought I’d write to you. I still can’t believe you’re gone. I keep telling people that if I was reading a novel and a character came out of her room to find her mom collapsed and passed away in the stairway…. well, I’d say the author was laying it on pretty thick. But there you were.

I’m grateful it was quick for you. And I’m grateful that you got to have your last evening with all four of your kids together. I imagine you stepped into Heaven and had a few words with God about timing… and it makes me smile to think of you in your five-foot nothing self giving the Almighty an earful. But I would be lying if I didn’t admit that losing you so soon after losing Phil was a crushing blow.

You were widowed so young, Mom, just 38 when dad died. I realized later that you died in the same month 50 years later. I was planning on learning how to do this widow life from an expert. I guess you’ll just have to guide from above.

You were my only parent for 50 of my 56 years and you taught me so much. You taught me to look for joy and find it in little things. You taught me, in the words of Aunt June, “You just do what you have to do. ” And I’ll keep doing it, Mom. You loved us, worried about us, encouraged us, and listened to us. (Especially me since I probably talk more than the other three combined. )

People tell me I’m holding up amazingly well. That’s only because I’m a good actress… and because you taught me to be strong. And to appreciate what you still have. And one of the things I have is precious memories of you… the long talks, the travel, the shared love of books and art and the example always in front of me of how to keep going.

I love you, Mom. I’m sure I’ll write more soon.

Love,

Beth

15 responses to “Dear Mom

  1. I’m so sorry to hear you’ve unexpectedly sent your Mom to Heaven. It’s hard! Even when you are strong! You’ll keep thinking of things to ask her. Listen carefully! She’s probably already told you the answer! 😉 When it comes to you, just thank Heavenly Father!! Love, Linda

    >

  2. OMG, Beth. I didn’t really like the title . . . I thought I’m going to be crying soon. But you are just breaking my heart. Crushing blow barely sums it up. I am so, so sorry. If there is anything I could possibly do for you, I would do it in a heartbeat. Nothing can help except holding those memories close and 56 fabulous years with an outstandingly strong woman. She already has shown you how to do widowhood for 50 years. She showed you how the beginning, right after your dad died. You may not recall her crying but now as an adult, you know she did. I know you have family members to help hold you up during this unbelievably difficult time, but please also know that you have a whole gaggle of quilter friends behind. And I hope you can smile a little at my choice of the term gaggle because I couldn’t really think of what a group of quilters would be called. {{{Hugs}}} so much for you. ~smile~ Roseanne

  3. So very sorry for your losses. Your letter described a very strong and very memorable woman and shared the deep love and affection that you had for your mom. I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers.
    Connie

  4. So deeply sorry for your loss. No words convey the true heart feelings that we feel in a time so precious as this is. Be gentle with yourself. Take time to rest. Cry when needed. But be very kind to yourself as you get through this grieving time. God bless you, and your family.

  5. Beth I have watched you handle so much in the last month and I know Phil and your mom are so proud of you and how graciously you have handled it all. You are definitely an amazing actress no doubt about it. I’m so proud and blessed to call you my friend and will be here to support you on your new journey. Love you!

  6. An excellent letter. I have tears, I lost my mom just last year. Of the 4 children I was the only one with her when death happened. I’ll never forget that last look at me. Prayers and quilty hugs are being sent to you.

  7. God Bless You and hold you whenever you need Him to do so.

  8. Hugs and prayers to you, Beth. I can’t imagine what you are going through. God bless you and keep you. I am so sorry.

  9. Love you Beth. I’m not a good actress, I’m bawling my brains out.

  10. So sorry to hear about your losses. She will always be such a beautiful lady. She was amazing. You are as well. God loves you.

  11. This is so beautifully written and a lovely tribute to how you felt about your mom. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with two loses so close together. xo

  12. May God hold your broken heart close to His own, give you strength and peace to live as the one left behind, and tender comfort as you travel the journey of grief.

  13. My heart aches for you. Sending you hugs.

  14. Beth my heart is breaking and tears are running down my face thinking of you having to survive two crushing blows as this. Your mother was an inspiring example of how you will be able to get through each day. You will do it because you have the strength and people who need you to be there. If hugs were helpful I’m sure the virtual hugs from all of us out here will wrap you in a cocoon of love and support. 💐 Carol

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